I Remember

I remember that first meeting, how he plopped down in the chair

 like he belonged there.

I remember his footsteps as he came down the hall and around the corner.

I remember not knowing his name for two whole months.

I remember just sharing stories, not sure if we’d see each other ever again.

I remember when I fixed his hoodie’s drawstring.

I remember skipping class just to keep talking.

I remember the head over heels, butterflies in my stomach feeling

 whenever he was close.

I remember the late nights.

I remember the sound of an idly picked guitar.

I remember the short winding drive by the river.

I remember that first vacation.

I remember trying to fit two people onto a twin sized bed,

and I remember it not working.

I remember staying up all night on the couch talking about

 everything and nothing.

I remember the way his touch made me feel alive.

I remember the agitated texts when I didn’t respond fast enough.

I remember slowly losing my identity.

I remember how the suspicious thoughts started.

I remember thinking, maybe this isn’t right.

I remember how he walked out instead of staying and talking things out.

I remember both drunken Halloweens.

I remember forgiving him.

I remember I hated being forced to fight, to yell.

I remember having no time for myself.

I remember many happy hours with his family.

I remember the laughter and beaming faces of children.

I remember feeling unhappy and anxious all the time, for no reason.

I remember the advice “Be with the person that makes you better.”

I remember the hurt on his face when I said I didn’t want to be with him.

I remember thinking he was so ‘mature’.

I remember how wrong I was.

I remember every insult he hurled or wrote.

I remember I never hurled any back.

I remember being so hurt I wanted to crawl inside myself and hide from the world.

 I’m remembering who I come from, and that we are survivors.

I’m remembering how much I like my freedom.

I’m remembering how to be truly happy again.

I’m remembering what it’s like to just be me.