In which I explain something...

One of my personal New Years resolutions was:
     I will not date until December 1st, this is the year of revising, editing and writing three novels. So it is the year of writing and taking care of me.

Let me explain this...
I came to this decision gradually. I had been in a not so good relationship over the summer that basically broke my heart. I won't really go into details, but essentially he didn't keep a promise and I couldn't live with that. Then I was casually dating two other guys, nothing serious at all, but they only made time for me if it was convenient for them. Always wanting me to skip work to see them (which I never have done, and will never do), never wanting to work with my schedule etc. Which means that our "dating" was actually just more texting than actually seeing each other.
One day I got really sick with the flu. It was bad, so I texted both of them early on in the day, I just wanted someone to acknowledge and sympathize. NEITHER ONE cared enough to text, call, email, or come check on me. And that broke my already slightly fragile heart to a point where I was just done. I have never played "games" when it comes to dating. If I like you, I like you. End of story. These guys had me on a merry go round of emotions, and so I did the only thing I could think to do.

I got off the merry go round.

That is why this year is my year (until the new writing year starts December 1st after NaNoWriMo) to write, revise, edit and to take care and do things for me.

Dating sucks so much emotional, physical and mental energy. I no longer feel like being a part of something that drains me to the point where I spend more of my time worrying about getting a text than worrying about where my story and characters are going. My writing will always be there for me. They keep my grounded. I don't need a man to make me happy, I can and do make myself happy.

In fact, I can't remember the last time I was this happy. And I'm not talking about the giddy type of happy...though that does happen occasionally. This is something deeper, it's a sense a peace coming from my very being. It's a self confidence that tells me that I am on the right path.

I am loving my life right now, and that is all that matters.